My Wife is Pregnant, what do I do? (Part 2) | Kirkland Newborn Photographer

 

Welcome to Part 2 of “my partner is pregnant, now what” =)

If you missed part 1, go check it out to find tips on how to help your partner navigate all things pregnancy leading up to the big day.

As you near the end of pregnancy, you may be wondering about all the new things that are about to come your way. There will be feeding schedules and diaper changes, nap times and moms groups, sleepless nights and endless snuggles. But before all of that, your partner is going to need your support during the birth process. Each birth is different and most don’t go exactly according to plan, so it is important that you, as her partner, know and understand what her preferences are during labor and delivery. You may need to be her greatest advocate. Here’s some thoughts to get you started.



toddler girl laying on mom's lap while mom bottle feeds newborn in her arms. Photo taken from above looking down at family in Mountlake Terrace, WA.

During Labor and Delivery

Every person is different and every person handles stress and pain differently. Before labor starts, ask your partner what they would like from you during the delivery process. In our family, I am an introvert and my husband is extremely extroverted (he knows the names and life stories of all the cashiers at our closest grocery store). When I need to focus, I pull inward and tend to focus in silence, so my main request was that my husband respect my need for quiet and avoid the urge to chit chat with whomever comes in the room. He did awesome; he gave words of encouragement, complimented me, was there for me, and did not learn the entire life story of each human that walked through our door. Here are some suggestions of things to consider during the birthing process.

  • If she starts by laboring at home, feed her. If she doesn’t know what she wants to eat, make her a few things and let her choose when she feels able. Once you get to the hospital, she likely will not be able to eat. My husband made me a smoothie and something else that I can’t even remember while I labored at home for a couple of hours in the morning before having my son. I hadn’t had breakfast yet when labor started early in the morning and being able to eat a little food was really helpful in keeping my energy up all day.

  • Bring a copy of the birth plan from your provider and any other birth plan you discussed. This will give you a reference if you need to be the point person in helping to decide on care/treatment options.

  • Make sure you have the car seat installed in the car (they will not let you leave the hospital without it!)

  • Bring the hospital bag that your partner has probably had packed and waiting to go for a few weeks.

  • Throw a couple of clean towels in the car, just in case her water breaks on the way to the hospital/birthing center.

  • Be prepared to do whatever she needs to feel comfortable during labor

    • Walk with her

    • Massage her

    • Help her into the shower/tub

    • Hold her hand

    • Stay silent or talk to her (which ever she asks for)

    • Talk her through contractions

    • Hold her while she gets an epidural so that she doesn’t have to hug a stranger

    • Help her move in the bed while the epidural is in place

    • Help her understand if things are happening quickly around her and she’s the type of person who wants to know what is going on.

      • When many people are moving quickly around a room and you are in pain, it can be hard to keep track of everything that is going on. Help her by updating her on things that may be happening in parts of the room behind her or if she is having a hard time staying focused on all the details.

  • When baby arrives, help her advocate. Have you discussed:

    • Delayed cord cutting

    • Skin to skin

    • Breastfeeding on demand shortly after birth

    • Bonding time before allowing visitors in the room

  • If she needs to put baby down in order to take care of her body, be there to be the one holding your little love.

 

newborn baby girl dressed in pink zipper onesie lying on a cream colored comforter and looking right into the camera

When You Get to Go Home

When you get to leave the hospital and take your baby home for the first time, it can feel exciting, nerve-wracking, and uncertain. There are a lot of adjustments coming your way. I’ll probably write another post about things I wish someone had told me before I brought my first baby home, but in the interest of staying on topic here are a few things you can do to help out the new mama in your life. Mama needs to heal but also has a lot of new responsibilities to figure out. Do everything you can to help give her the time for her own body to heal from growing and birthing a baby. This often takes at least 6-8 weeks or even longer. She needs time to rest and to ease back into movements and activities.

  • Take turns

    • There are some things that only mama can do, like breastfeeding, but you can still help out.

      • bring her food and water

      • let her get settled and then hand baby to her

      • help her reposition, if needed

      • burp baby after feeding

    • If you are bottle-feeding, trade off nights and feeding sessions so mama doesn’t feel so stuck with the responsibility and has some time to rest.

    • If she is breastfeeding, consider helping with night time feedings by bringing baby to her in bed and taking baby from her after the feeding to change a diaper and put the baby back to bed while she falls back asleep.

    • If baby is awake a lot overnight, take night duty, especially in the first couple of weeks. Be the one that holds and rocks the baby so that mama can rest and heal as much as possible.

  • Recognize that a lot of the responsibility falls on her

    • (and even if it doesn’t, she is going to feel like it does). So choose to take over something. My husband changed all of the diapers. For the first several days to weeks, I never had to change one. We joked that I was in charge of putting the food in our kids mouths and he was in charge of cleaning it up when it came out the other side. Lol

  • Help her get outside.

    • If the weather is nice and she feels up to walking, help her to get outside. Just remember, she may need to take it slow or walk for shorter distances, especially in the beginning when all of her joints feel loose and unstable.

  • Understand what PPD (post-partum depression) and PPA (post-partum anxiety) can look like

  • Take her out on a date.

    • She may not be able to be away for long, especially if she is breastfeeding, but if you can arrange a family member or close friend to watch baby for an hour or two so that you can have dinner together, go for a walk, or watch a sunset, you should.

    • It is so easy to get lost in the needs of a newborn, then toddlers, then school age kids. Be careful not to lose sight of the love that started your family. Take care of your relationship. Help her find time to take breaks. Maybe take her out for a dinner of medium rare steak and soft cheeses 😉 or a different food she was missing when she was pregnant.

  • Mom guilt is a real thing.

    • Tell her that it is okay to do the things she needs to do to take care of herself too.

 

Welcoming a new baby into the family is an incredible experience. Working as a team to integrate this new life into your world will help keep the love alive and your family thriving. This is an amazing time that will fly by so quickly. Before you know it, your new child will be in Kindergarten and then graduating from high school.

If you’d like to document this time when they are tiny and oh so sweet as they sleep in your arms, reach out. I would love to help you record this part of your family legacy! Congratulations on your new baby!

Dad holds baby girl, nose to nose, smiling at her while she looks up into his eyes. They are in a bedroom with a warm lamp on behind them. He is in black, she is in pink with a pink bow

Updated June 16, 2025

© Eickhoff Photography

 
Maternity, NewbornLindsay Eickhoff